Perhaps our country could benefit from a review of some kindergarten lessons?
My daughters attend a Montessori school where grace and courtesy are a regular part of the curriculum. Starting as toddlers, they are taught about grace and courtesy to help children understand polite social norms.
Once a semester, parents join their child in the classroom for a half day and observe. These half days have consistently been some of my favorite days of the year. Every time, I marvel at how the kids operate within the classroom, and I reconfirm that I don’t have the patience to be a teacher!
During my first visit, the teacher called the kindergarten students into a circle for their grace and courtesy lesson. The topic was “meeting new people.” They began by asking the kids to share how they felt when new people came to their house for the first time.
Most kids offered the usual answers. They were excited, a little nervous, or felt shy. The teacher waited patiently for additional sharing, a pause that felt uncomfortably long to me. A small hand slowly raised. The hesitant boy quietly shared, “S
“Oh, yes,” the teacher sympathized
It was the perfect segue for her to explain that our fears and natural discomfort are the reason that it is important to practice meeting new people. The next step was to brainstorm what might be good things to do when new people come to the house. Shake their hand. Say hello. Look them in the eye. Use their name. Eventually, she explained a few more advanced options including asking the person something about themselves and listening carefully while they answer.
“Don’t we all appreciate it when someone uses our name and asks us something about ourselves?”
Finally, we ended the lesson with some role-play. Pairs of 5-year-olds stood in the middle of the circle and practiced meeting each other for the first time. Even our little closet-hiding friend bravely gave it a try.
Since watching those kids, I’ve attended many dinner parties and charity events working to make conversation with strangers, desperately wishing that everyone had the benefit of the “how to meet new people” lesson.
The Montessori grace and courtesy curriculum covers additional topics like listening, participating in group discussions, resolving social conflict, how to unobtrusively observe another’s work, holding the door for someone, and using polite words.
As with most things that are taught and are not instinctual, they take practice. How has our society gotten so far out of practice? Some may never have learned basic grace and courtesy lessons but for those who have, why have so many abandon them?
With the second presidential debate scheduled tonight, I am already cringing and experiencing anticipatory anxiety about what we will witness. The ugliness is not just on the political stage and it is not coming from one political party. In the past years, I’ve noticed and have been a victim of increased anger and hostility in day-to-day life: strangers yelling at each other, honking horns, cutting in line.
I propose that we all review elementary grace and courtesy lessons. Maybe we need to go back to the basics? And once we do, let’s remember that everything that we learn takes practice.